In July 2003, when the first demo came out, i had no idea with online games. Before this release i often have watched my brother playing multiplayer games such Quake, Counterstrike, Ultima Online & Dark Age of Camelot. And often he tried to convince me to waste my time for the sake of fun. U know my truely purpose in getting internet & buying a pc (before that i was a hardcore enthusiast of my good ol Commodore Amiga) was to comminicate with other artists, designing my place where to upload & share my music worldwide.
Byte at me but i never could have imagined to game online for hours. I mean...i became an adult, and when i was a teenager i have played retro games with systems such with Amiga, Sega Megadrive or Gameboy. The only thing that i could accepting was playing Outcast & Undying. Those games were for me the entrance to the world of 3D. That's real & no bullshit!
My brother kept debating with me about the reason to play online. My words about games, as such Quake or Counterstrike were like: "how the F@$K can u tell me about fun when u stick in a rotation of the same maps over & over again. U guys play just for the score on the table & that is sick."
When i told him that he answered me with: "U don't know to have fun. U are the one who is sick". 
I have to add the age difference of 9 years. So therefore i was like almost 26 while he hit the puperty. That too might caused a differenet point of view. However, ...u all know to well that even me became addicated with online games. Allthough never so hard as thought because my repertory has been only Tron 2.0, a little bit Quake Arena, a short try with N4S Underground & World of Warcraft. In other words if Tron 2.0 never became reality as likely as not i never would have played any online games. So therefore my curiosity is thanks to Tron.
In my childhood i saw the movie too & guess what, i aswell became a fan of Tron's digital ambience. The cold skyline, which always felt to me as when u would be an user who was captured by an computer & u are longing for the outside was so special.Last but not least i guess i have managed to understand what means "virtual" fun. To me Tron 2.0 was more than just a game. To be honest, this virtual place, ... with all these imaginations lead me to a constant flow of enjoyment. It sounds like bullshit but it is possible to grow inside an online game. Especially when u meet people who were playing their chars from the buttom of their hearts. So i wasn't the only one who gave and enjoyed a world full of illusions at all.
Further more thanks to Tron 2.0 i could find my inner true.When i started to play this game my former state already has been androgyn. This was my hardest time as i didn
't know which gender-indentity should be mine. For people with not having such issue don't understand kind of problem. The famous "very first" picture that was posted on boxhat.com (2005), showed me as a 23 old male. During that time i so much invested all my energy to pretend to be a male which of course couldn't work. With meterosexuality i somehow could hide the true for a while. I tried to avoid the coming-out as long as possible. Even infront the family!
If u ask how this private affair can be connected with a lot of sessions on gamegrid u should continue to read. The answer can't be easier. Try to imagine u have been born as male or female & u are slowly exploring urselves deep inside. Certain moments in real & thru virtual life can cause the one or other impulse in ur mind. These expierences do then form ur personality respectively indenity. When u hit the puberty this task becomes more intensive. And when it was the wrong puberty u may have expierenced, then u got educated & raised as the wrong gender. This will confuse u soonner or laterr. This is the reason why i was about to discovering me new when i played as NicolA.exe
With 26 i was androgyn but after the first year on gamegrid i became very sure about the direction which lead me to the realization that i never was a male allthough i was born as a boy. Since 2004 my transformation is going on. The first steps were such the removal of beard, finding a suitable style in every aspect & permanent makeup for the eyes & eyebrow. I also had speech therapy (logopaedia). If u don't believe that my voice completely has changed u should speak with me thru MSN or Skype. I'm now going thru a psychotherapy. 4 hours are completed. 45 hours are a must in order to get the the very OK for the hormon-treatment. Without the abidance by these instructions u don't get support from the health fund, insurance or however u may call it in America. Without the health funds support i won't be able to pay for the hormon-treatment & surgery. And without these final tasks there is no possibility to change the civil status. The formula for a enjoyable life is to be what u really are & not what u appear to beif it isn't u. That's what i call honesty, ladies & gentlemen.
If u still think i was lying & betraying programs on gamegrid by posing as female & if u still pretend that i wanted to hurt some boys hearts, u are absolutely wrong. How could i ever tell u to be a guy if my mind didn't allowed me to lie ?!?
I really appreciate it when u could read thru every line. My reasoning with this thread isn't to debate about what happened to me on grid. I don't care about it anymore. Nowadays i enjoy a life as woman & i work my ass of to have enough money to make everything possible come true. I was a dreamer that turned to a organizer. Only at weekends or holiday i allow me to do foolish things.
So what i aim for is not to excuse what i did or what me is. Nor do i expect anyone to apologize. But as someone who has been put too much into the center, i with no doubt was the everybodies favorite playmate. And as many of u couldn't resist to know more about my reallife, i guess it was about time to combine everything (between 2003 to present) to bring up a resume.I don't know how long that i will keep visiting the gamegrid. But if i were u i would take every chance aslong as i at least can make it at weekends.
Am i sick because i have played Tron 2.0 for that long ?!? 
How about u ? For me it would be fascinating to know u all much better. I could name u alot of nicks who were played by interesting personalities. Do u know what, ...i think they have a heart too. Greetings & thanks reading me,
urs Nicola-Alexandra (btw. this is my new reallife name).
That's great man. Aye, I will be wary of Davie Jones Locker...
lol
